Retro, feminine and sweetly artistic, we love it. Do you?
She could handle their weight,
but they weighed her down,
leaving her too exhausted,
to run closer to the life she ached to live.
The broken heart,
She could live without his love,
But her own? No.
The scars were not going anywhere,
And neither would she if she didn’t accept that.
There were answers,
But they made no sense.
She could do the equation a thousand more times,
Or learn the lesson.
No rest would find her,
Until she put them to bed.
It was time to clear out her mental space,
And take the “Oh No!” out from in front of the “what if’s?”
She knew it would be better,
Now that she was eager to meet it.
It was her only hope for a better life,
And she decided to seize it, fearlessly.
Every single result we experience is based on a decision we make or do not make, and there comes a point in our lives when we have to decide to decide better or live in the state we are in. Unless we value the reward enough to stand up to fear, we will always live in a state of disappointment watching a game we know in our hearts we could have won had we only played.
Think about the way you speak, the company you keep, the company you work for, the way you carry yourself, the way you lift yourself up or put yourself down. How do your choices benefit or work against you? Every day is a step towards your destiny, but where are you headed exactly?
I have always been fascinated by this phrase since watching Madonna stare defiantly into the camera and sprinkle it with an extra dose of salt before delivering it to her critics. The words carry with them a sense of carefree bravado, frivolity, even shamelessness, and yet, who wouldn’t enjoy living a life that, when looked upon, offered not even the slightest ache that comes along with the desire to have done anything differently? At first glance, I think it is fair to say that we all would. Looking closer, we might change our minds. We learn not by doing what we know, but what we do not know, and if we never had a regret, it would mean that we always knew what to say, when to say it, who to trust, how to crawl, walk and run and so on. We would never feel the thrill of a job well done for everything would be done well. We would never have that “I Did It!” moment that comes with finally beating the game or the odds.
The word regret carries with it very negative connotations. Even the sound of it brings with it a guttural tone similar to garbage, and just as similar, when experienced, it stinks. There is no way to get around the fact that, for as long as we are blessed with time on this earth, we will make decisions that lead us into directions we want and don’t want to go. There are, however, ways to polish our thoughts, words and approaches (notice I didn’t say perfect these things) in order to experience less sting when looking back.
Here are a few that have worked for me.
How many times have you gotten out of a situation and realized you stayed in it “too long” because you had hoped that what had always been would somehow blossom into something different? This could be a job, a relationship, a way of living, thinking or even feeling. How many times have you said “positive” things when you felt horrible only to feel totally disconnected from yourself? Or perhaps you have existed in a perfectly lovely life while doing nothing but complaining and then regretted not “appreciating” what you had while you had it?
There is no magic pill, book or seminar that will change anything–be it your body, your relationship, or your life, and the idea that anyone is going to save you from yourself or anything else is a fallacy. Accepting where and who you are, right here, right now, is the only way to go anywhere productive.
The little engine had the strength to push himself up that hill which is why his “I think I can” worked in the first place, but if you don’t have what it takes to do something, thinking you can isn’t going to cut it. That’s just overconfidence. Think about it: A first grade child can walk into a fifth grade classroom and wish him or herself into fifth grade all they want, but once the work begins, they’ll likely fail and feel worse about themselves after having measured themselves by standards they weren’t ready to rise to. Growth and development is a step-by-step process that takes dedication, focus and repetition. Believing in yourself means believing that you have the drive and abilities to do the work and equip yourself to achieve your greatest goals.
You don’t have to know what you want, but you do need to know what you don’t want. Having those boundaries and instincts in place will work almost as an autopilot flying you into the direction of a better life. Getting stuck in dead-end, chaotic, fruitless situations steals time and mental energy better utilized in other, more promising areas of our lives. Even if you aren’t strategizing every day, at least you’re not losing sleep and time with loved ones wasting time “deciding” between things you don’t even want.
There is a big difference between the leisurely and lazy, I appreciate the first and abhor the second. I cannot tell you how having someone asking me for a favor and then expecting me to not only do the work of the favor involved (usually a pleasure) while also doing their part. If it’s not important enough for them to polish a book proposal, why should I utilize my contacts to submit it? Whether it’s your body, home, outlook, education, job, relationship, zip code or anything else, change is possible. The key is staying active in your pursuit of it. Everything in this life is a series of steps so keep getting up and taking the steps forward and you’ll finally get there. Sit down and complain, or worse, ask others to drag you forward without getting up is just going to frustrate you and everyone else.
Words are very serious tools that have built and crushed empires, bonds, hearts and just about every important thing and connection in the history of language. These days, we see and hear more of them than ever before, and yet, none of them mean very much. They are yelled on reality TV shows, printed on magazines and blogs and sent frivolously and drunkenly through our telephones. It’s hard to know which ones to hold onto and which ones to toss, which is why when we come across those that carry weight and light, we feel we have been baptized in a way. When you know what you mean and you say it in a way that makes sense, not only to you, but those listening, the world becomes a much easier place to navigate. When you are known as someone who can be counted on, communicated with and who values the words that come your way, respect follows and doors, hearts and arms open.
The world has been keeping a terrible secret from you; perfection is arbitrary. There are some who find Monet boring, sunsets cliche and symmetrical faces disinteresting. Tchaikovsky pleases some and JayZ others. The “perfect” body is not one, but many. The “perfect” food sends some into hospitals. Perfect is a carrot on a stick, it’s a mirage in the desert, it’s a bully who taunts constantly. The reality is that you may never get to a point where you feel your life is perfect, but you will have moments in it in which you feel as though the universe has stopped time and gathered all of the good things it has to offer and infused those seconds, minutes or hours with them. If we can be present in those moments and understand that all of the mistakes and flaws we carry with us actually led us to them, well, that’s when we truly feel gratitude.
It sounds obvious, and yes, it can be a little boring at times, but when you do what you say you will do, are where you say you will be, live with integrity, hold yourself and others accountable and treat others as you would like (and expect) to be treated, things tend to go in different directions than when you don’t.
If one were able to look up “Beautiful, Ballsy, Boozy Broad” in the dictionary, there would certainly be a photo of the gorgeous Ava next to it –and she’d likely be flipping off the camera with a grin, to boot. So striking, she was known as “The World’s Most Beautiful Animal” and brought men like Robert Mitchum, Howard Hughes, and Mickey Rooney, then the world’s biggest male star, to their knees. Then, of course, there was Frank. So obsessed with her was Mr. Sinatra, he threatened –and unfortunately even attempted– suicide on several of the many occasions she left him.
Bold and loud, Ava was a spectacular mix of lady and tramp. She loved hard and drank harder, doing all of the above (and a whole lot more) without the slightest show of shame or apology. In the end, it seems, she was able to dilute any regrets with a strong dose of gratitude for a life lived as the love of her life would have wanted her to live it: her way.
“When I’m old and gray, I want to have a house by the sea. And paint. With a lot of wonderful chums, good music, and booze around. And a damn good kitchen to cook in.”
“God knows I’ve got so many frailties myself, I ought to be able to understand and forgive them in others. But I don’t.”
“I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.”
“When I lose my temper, honey, you can’t find it any place.”
“Maybe, in the final analysis, they [the men I loved] saw me as something I wasn’t and I tried to turn them into something they could never be. I loved them all but maybe I never understood any of them. I don’t think they understood me.”
“I think the main reason my marriages failed is that I always loved too well but never wisely.”
“I’m here to tell you, there ain’t much forgiveness in that old-time religion. That particular savior was a mean son of a bitch. If you sinned, honey, he was going to get you, no doubt about it.”
“What’s the point? My face, shall we say, looks lived in.”
“Maybe I just didn’t have the temperament for stardom. I`ll never forget seeing Bette Davis at the Hilton in Madrid. I went up to her and said, “Miss Davis, I`m Ava Gardner and I`m a great fan of yours.” And do you know, she behaved exactly as I wanted her to behave. “Of course you are, my dear,” she said. “Of course you are. And she swept on. Now that’s a star.”
On her life: ““She made movies, she made out and she made a fucking mess of her life, but she never made jam.”
Be the one who accepts her reality but stays in control of her fate.
Be the one who holds onto herself, regardless of who’s hand she chooses to hold.
Be the one who forgives herself for acting in ways she isn’t proud of when she didn’t know better.
Be the woman who behaves better the moment she knows she can.
Be afraid only of living a life in which you are contained by fear.
Be the woman you dream of being.
Be willing to walk away from anything that keeps you from being who you truly are…
When my dear friend, beauty expert, Lauren Cosenza, asked me to model for a beauty series in Cosmopolitan Magazine (highlighting the transformative power of makeup), there was one obvious answer: Si! The truth is, LC could ask me to do just about anything and never hear a negative. She’s been one of my dearest friends since college and her amazing work ethic, dynamic personality and insanely extensive talents as a makeup artist have made her one of the most respected women (people!) in the business.
Then, of course, there’s the fact that this is Cosmo, one of the biggest magazines to ever hit the stands.
I was in.
Fast-forward a week and a half, when I rushed up the stairs in the Hearst Building and flopped into the chair before LC and feisty, witty editor, Carly Cardellino. I was spilling the latest and greatest about my love life, work life et all when LC suggested that we do a Sharon Tate-Inspired look for my “made up” half-faced which led to an appreciative gasp. I love Sharon and anything having to do with a smoky eye–from that moment on, I was even more thrilled to play dress up.
But then it came out that the “natural” side of my face was actually au naturel, as in no make-up, as in at all.
“Well, I didn’t exactly know this part. I deserve a medal for going through this,” I announced. LC smiled a devilish grin. “Yes, you do.” Before I knew it, I was getting a few curls in the hair chair and heading into the small room where I would expose my deepest darkest beauty secrets. Turns out, my cheeks aren’t pink and my lashes aren’t always so long. This was something people I had full relationships with never had tangible proof of and I was about to share them with millions of (sometimes less forgiving) strangers.
Before I knew it, the photos had been taken and I was smiling a full smile from ear to ear.
I felt like a bold woman who had gone where I had never gone before.
“Want me to make up the other side?” asked LC, graciously.
I was tempted.
But I was in the offices that inspired and applauded the Fun, Fearless Female and standing into the most fun and fearless female I knew, I wanted to follow in her high-heeled footsteps.
“No, I am going to go back to work with nothing on.”
And I did.
Fun and fearless, indeed.
Be sure to see all of the looks here.
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We speak about it often.
We take inventory and resolve to make changes on the first of every year. We pay close attention in those moments when unconscious decisions bring us to our knees long enough to really see what “wrong’s” need to be made right. Then, it happens. Time passes and momentum begins to slow, and before we know it, habit begins to wash over the black and white wake-up call and we go back to living as our less-than-best selves living in the gray area.
Why are we so surprised when we find ourselves back down on our knees, feeling stuck in a seemingly never-ending cycle of high’s and low’s when, in fact, we never did anything–or enough– differently? The reality is that an unfulfilled chapter will lead into an unfulfilled life unless we find the strength to keep the promises we make to ourselves in fleeting moments of clarity. This begins by understanding one single, simple fact; it is not enough to face reality, we must also accept it.
But what is that reality, exactly? Well, it may not be what you think.
It’s not that you’re in bad shape, have hit “rock bottom” or don’t have the relationship or job you want. It’s not that you’ve “ruined” your life, “lost” someone or something, and it’s certainly not that someone else is preventing you from experiencing your happiness. Those are all mere side effects brought about by our addiction to the soothing offered by self delusion.
The reality you must accept is that you truth is right there, and it has a voice. You don’t need horoscopes and tarot cards or long-winded discussions set on rotation with different friends. You know what you need to do, what is best for you, how you really feel and what you want. You just need to close your eyes, go inside and listen without judgement or making excuses for yourself and those around you. You have a right to listen to yourself. You have a right to your feelings. Do what you love and feel is right instead of moving under duress brought about by fear. Desperation never leads to moments of greatness. You know this.
Your life may not be perfect, but there are good things in it. Believe in the good things that will come by way of good decisions. Bad things will come by way of bad ones. Once you accept that you are fully in control, there is no reason to feel anxiety. You know what to expect based on what you have chosen to do.
Stop talking yourself out of your dreams. You can achieve what you set your mind to. In fact, there are only a few real limitations set in place, the rest are ones you set upon yourself. You actually have everything you need to design the life you want to have right inside of you. As with anything, the trick is doing your homework and teaching yourself to utilize your tools in the right way.
You don’t have to always do what you have always done. If you really pay attention to your habits, rituals and mantras, you will discover patterns and solutions to the situations you see as problematic. Look at the way you frame situations and people, and yourself closely because it has a real and lasting impact on the quality of your life. Our thoughts and words are wishes into a universe that works as a genie. Think you won’t be able to do something? You likely won’t, and not because you can’t, but mainly because you won’t fully try.
Do you want to be healthy? How are you incorporating healthy decisions in your life? How consistent are you? Are you looking for instant gratification or are you committed to a life change? If it’s the latter, how are you restructuring your life, your mind and your priorities?
Clear up your head space. If your mind were a room, how would it look? How is the ambiance? What is the noise level? What do you spend your time doing in there? Are you sorting through old memories or are you making space for new experiences? How often do you clean up? Is it the same space as it was 20 years ago? Who do you invite into visit? You live here 24-7, 365 days a year for a lifetime. Make it a place that brings you serenity, not one you hope to escape.
You don’t need to vilify yourself of others. It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault that you didn’t get what you wanted when you wanted it, it may just be that you wanted something that wasn’t right for you because it would ultimately keep you from learning the lessons that will eventually lead you to your greatest happiness.
So, the question is, when you look at yourself and your life, are you being realistic or soothing with delusion?
You’ve been telling yourself lies.
Yes, it is true that we are not limitless, but limits are flexible and expandable and you are able to move through them at record speed.
Of course, we will all face challenges, but the fact that you can handle anything that comes your way means that you could and should be taking far more risks to gain the rewards you think about when the lights go out and you lay there in a silent room.
That love you feel in your heart, the one that inspires the thoughts, poetry and prayers? Those words have a right to be spoken and do not lose meaning even if they never listen.
The people who annoy you, who push you, who make you feel the aggravation? They are there before you to learn something from you and to repay you lesson for lesson.
This life that you fear will never blossom into the one you ache to be living is in fact that life in its infancy. It is up to you to raise it to your own standards, to nurture it and love it, to guide it and hold it accountable.
You are the person you want to be.
You are walking in your destiny as we speak.
You are a precious part of this world and it’s time you accept what everyone around you knows is real.
Can you handle your truth?
You can’t make them understand.
You cannot convince them to feel remorse.
You cannot make them listen,
Or hear you,
If they do.
There is no way to undo a hurtful deed,
Or take back a vicious word.
There is no secret to breaking the silence.
We are often told that good people do bad things,
But we forget that bad people do good things, too.
The answer to “what is good and bad” lies in what is consistent,
And what is done when nothing can be gained.
In the beginning,
It’s always a joy.
In the end,
We must all live with the consequences of our actions,
And our many actions make up our respective legacies.
One cries now,
Or cries out,
Wherever you are in the world,
The law of universal justice will find you and enforce it.
Karma does not miss a beat.
So, stop trying to understand the inexplicable.
Stop trying to explain why you are hurt.
Stop trying to convince them to care about the pain they have caused.
In doing do, you will stop causing (yourself) more pain.
Perhaps their karma is a life without all of the beautiful things you could have brought to it.
That’s no small price to pay.
I have been on a bit of a personal journey as of late. With the help of some wonderful friends and an incredible mentor, I have began to find my voice, and in doing do, the moments I have silenced and been silenced are becoming emboldened on my life’s timeline.
Many times, as a way to avoid feeling regret for not making a move fast enough or at all, we console ourselves by saying that everything happens for a reason. I believe it does, but perhaps it would not have happened the way it did or so often had we recognized the reason earlier. Looking back, we most always realize that we could have had we stayed close to home and paid attention to ourselves and how we were feeling and reacting to the situation at hand. Like so many, I have been guilty of not speaking up and shutting (myself) up many times in my life. I have shushed my internal voice so that I could hear those around me better. I can tell you firsthand, it is no way to live.
We are living in this world for such a short period of time, and it is my belief that, if there truly is a hell, it begins with our carrying the heavy weight of unspoken words and missed opportunities through the door from this world to the next.
Many of us believe in time and love immortal. We feel that we have the luxury of not being authentic today because tomorrow will bring about a more comfortable opportunity to take the leap and plunge into the life we ache to be living. We all know that tomorrow never comes. The wall becomes thicker. That love remains unknown. That rift is never mended. That chance is never taken which is why that destiny is never experienced.
If there is a job you have not applied for, a love you haven’t shared, a city you have not seen, an “I miss you” you haven’t sent, you are, in fact running out of time. It’s not negative to say that every moment we wait is a moment lost. It’s just realistic.
This clarity comes when we lose someone or something we love, but often it fades into the background and the sounds of our souls greatest desires are muffled by the noise made by the mind. We fear rejection, attempt to ration(alize) our emotion, deny our greatest desires. In essence, we suffocate the most authentic part of ourselves until there is no voice, only silence.
That question that never leaves the mind, the face that never leaves the heart, the city that always brings about yearning…these are your truths.
Tell your truth.
Live your truth.
Love your truth.
In doing so, you will begin to love yourself, and when you love yourself, the world loves you back.
He was handsome and charming and all of those things they said she was supposed to want above everything else,
But the excitement of being in such a large world,
With so much to discover,
And having her very own place in it,
It was all so…
To all of those…
Who have lied behind my back and to my face,
Who have brought chaos instead of comfort,
Who have questioned my value as a human being,
Who have relished in my stumbles and sadness,
Who show me disrespect,
Who have played on my vulnerabilities to get what they wanted,
Who have manipulated my tender heart,
Who have met my pleas with silence,
Who have continuously crossed my boundaries,
Who have left me in my time of need,
Who have allowed envy to come in-between us,
Who do not push me to be my best…
You are dismissed.
“No greater thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.” Epictetus
(Photo Courtesy of Pinterest)
It’s a pitiful thing,
To see a liar spin their web.
In effort to console and comfort themselves,
They squirm, They squeal,
They cling to their own delusion.
It’s a sad state,
They are in.
Licking the wounds left by Karma’s lashing.
To watch them bleed,
Venom seeps onto the floor.
dripping into the hell they have created.
On their knees,
They beg for attention,
Jumping chaotically from insult,
to a pathetic plea.
What is reality to a sick mind?
What is truth to a pathological liar?
What is conscience to an unconscious person?
What is fairness to a cheat?
To argue facts is unnecessary.
To do so with one who won’t concede when wrong is to suffocate energy.
To defend an undeniable innocence in a sphere governed by universal law is a waste of time.
To jump into a pool of chaos would be to drown a triumphant moment.
Moments you have fought for.
Moments you deserve,
they are ones you have earned.
This is not the past.
Time has passed.
Time is precious.
Time is in constant motion.
But it does not move back.
It’s time to let go.
It’s time to draw a deep line in the sand.
Walk over it, unapologetically,
and move forward.
They can reach as far as they want to.
They can stretch the truth,
but once you release your need to counter,
confidently standing on cemented, solid ground,
The truth will rush back and snap a reality right into their faces.
Both of them.
Two who love one another create heaven on earth. One who loves alone lives in a kind of personal hell.
All that is real rises to the surface. There is no lie strong enough to anchor the truth.
The strength we have inside of us is challenged by the moments in which we are faced with triggers from our past. The key is not to kneel and worry, but to rely on our years of training, our wisdom, our strength of character and mind and to slay the dragon once again.
Most people do not try and bring you harm, but some do. It is important not to mistake one for the other.
Only a fool mistakes kindness for meekness.
They may live there, but you don’t have to.
There are times when epic love stories are simply fables written over a few pages in a long book of life.
Every time you take time to educate yourself, you give yourself a new opportunity.
Motion-Creates-Motion. But if you are going in the wrong direction, you’re
What is truly beautiful? Authenticity.
The universe has a very clever way of balancing things out. Karma is not a mystical idea, it is cause-and-effect. Those who live a life full of deception and discord will live in chaos wherever they go.
Your reputation is built upon the foundation of your character. When that character is strong, it is the Colosseum. It is the Great wall. Do not allow a weak man with an agenda and a chisel to bring you anxiety, or any concern at all.
There is a thick glass between denial and truth. One cannot touch, negate, erase or even communicate with the other. What has happened has happened and cannot be undone.
You will be with you for the rest of your life. Above all, take good care of and protect yourself.
With the warm weather finally giving us a little time here in the EnWhySee, I could not help but to unleash my (very) few remaining California vibes by way of a Sharon Tate-Inspired makeup session.
Those who know me know that I have always had a mad girl crush on the exquisitely beautiful actress, and while I am nowhere near as gifted genetically, I did my best to channel her this am while little Tony barked at me impatiently (causing more than one line smudge). Now, I am no makeup diva, but I have learned a few things from one. Sharon’s look was all about heavily made up eyes (what gorgeous eyes she had) and a fresh face and soft lip to balance (unlike MM who popped on her eyes, lips and cheeks).
Dior Airflash in 300.
Stila Illuminating Foundation in 50.
Stila Illuminating Powder in 30.
Victoria’s Secret shadow (browns) .
Three different Mascaras, all from Loreal.
Wish Lipstick from Victoria’s Secret (also used as a cream blush on cheeks).
Nars Bronzer in Laguna.
Bye Bye Undereye Concealor.
Note: LDiva has agreed to work her magic for a Tate-Inspired photo-session with the talented Peter Joe DiPilato later this summer! they’ll both do a much better job, to be sure! I’ll post her tips and photos when that happens!
How lucky you were to get into and out of the game,
To cash in your winnings,
And cut your losses…
What we we were,
What we were to become,
How fortunate you are,
That you were able to move onto your next hand,
Into your future,
While I remained counting your old cards,
Dealing with the hand I had been dealt,
In the room where I risked everything to bet on you.
How confused I was by your poker face.
I mistook your look as a shield for pain,
and really, all it was
Was that you didn’t care.
What a realization.
What a gamble.
What a lucky fellow you are to not even know what you have lost.
I stumbled on this film by accident after clicking on a profile in Vanity Fair solely based on my being a fan of Filmmaker, Cecilia Peck’s father, Gregory. Imagine my surprise when this powerful trailer moved from beauty pageant profile to tackling one of the toughest and most relevant topics in the world today: Rape. This is definitely a moving movie worth showing, sharing and discussing.
This year, amfAR announced that the famous Cannes fundraiser will be paying tribute to Marilyn. In honor of this announcement, Harpers Baazar has put together a lovely slideshow showcasing the many sides of Monroe. Being the fan(atic) I am, I obviously had to share.
Extract the message and send it along.
As part of the Magazine’s 60th Anniversary celebration, Mr. Hefner decided to re-release the very first issue which features my beloved icon on the cover. This is no small opportunity for someone who adores both the Magazine and Monroe–as was displayed by the squeal I let out when I grabbed the last one off of the shelf at tho bodega on 57th and Lexington (close to where the famous Seven Year Itch scene was filmed, no less).
When I was 12-years-old, a very irresponsible adult handed me a copy of Helter Skelter. It was the most horrid and fascinating book I had ever come across and I ached to put it down, but could not. As a result, I learned more and more about Sharon and fell in love with her gorgeous face and free, beautiful spirit. For years, I devoured any and all information I could about her, doing my best to avoid anything having to do with Manson and his disgusting clan.
Like so many of us, I hurt when I think of how she passed, but I have also felt uneasy about the fact that this lovely, gentle woman seemed to be forever tied with the evil that found her and her loved ones on that terrible night. A young girl learning how to put myself together, I found myself looking up to her as a woman and wanted to emulate her makeup and hair, but always worried trying to copy her eyeliner would be frivolous and disrespectful. Then, one day, I thought to myself, “actually, that’s the best way to show her respect. Honor her for the things she was in life, instead of defining her by her pointless, tragic death.” Imagine my glee when I found out her sister, Debra Tate, shared the same sentiments and put together a book, Sharon Tate Recollection, which honors her talented, beautiful, vivacious sibling.
See a few stills of Nicole Kidman as Grace Kelly in the highly-anticipated film in Vogue Italia. Can. Not. Wait.
Missed The Culture Chanel event at The Guangzhou Opera House in China last year? No problem! Go back in time and browse the exhibition online!
What current event are you obsessed with currently?
The closet was small, but my fathers obsessive-compulsive disorder meant that it was meticulously laid out. His ever-present rage meant that one lost hair or inch of movement meant that I would have hell to pay as a repercussion. Still, the reward–her image, her face, her drawings of mountains with birds– was too satisfying.
They said she was my mother, and the baby book that sat perfectly-placed on the shelf fourth from the floor held the only information I could obtain about her that was not laced with voracious editorializing or possibility of a beating for being disloyal should I dare to ask about her or shed a tear on her behalf.
Though I had heard stories about her wild ways and felt the sharp pain of her absence every silent birthday (and morning, noon and night in-between them), the truth is that, as horrible as they made her out to be, I longed for her. I would wait for my father to leave for the bar, watch his car drive out of the parking lot and then grab a paper towel. I would cover my small fingers with it and switch the light on, something I had learned to do the hard way. I would slowly remove the book and open it to the third page where her image lived. I would then study it with the curiosity and emotional distance one has when looking at a painting in a museum. Finally, I would force myself to turn the page. Was that her leg? Did she take the photo of me with cake all over my face. Was that my cake? When did she leave me? Was it six months or a year? Then, back to her image for a final study before running into the bathroom where I would stand in front of the mirror and move my head just so in a somewhat successful attempt to look like the woman I had deified; the myth of a mother I had created in my young and confused mind. A woman I later learned never existed.
I would later meet the woman who gave birth to me, but never my mother. Her reasons for leaving my father were based on his brutality. Her reasons for leaving her baby with the bathwater, and then the pre-teen (and eventually woman) who needed her, were valid only to her. There was an unsuccessful attempt at reconciliation later in life that led to a second abandonment and solidified a motherless adulthood, but this piece is not about that or her. It’s about growing up without a mother and what it feels like to live with the hole that only someone who has experienced it can feel.
It has often been reported that more telephone calls are made on Mother’s Day than any other day of the year. But what if there’s no one to call? The beloved holiday can serve as a painful reminder of the ultimate void for those who have loved and lost or were never loved at all. It’s clearly a topic that’s close to my heart, and I know I am not alone. Here are four other women who have shared their stories for the many who can relate and are looking for a little comfort.
How old were you when your mother passed/left? I was eight when my mother died of cancer.
Can you briefly share the circumstances surrounding your situation? My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 30. She died at age 31.
Did her leaving/passing have an immediate impact? Absolutely. My father really fell apart. He didn’t function well. My grandparents could only help so much and eventually had to return to their jobs and lives. Once the help went away, our house fell to disarray. Dinners were pretty simple. Laundry was not done often. Lunches were made by myself. There were no more handmade Halloween costumes or help with homework. My father was overwhelmed with his responsibilities, he was only 32. He suddenly had to raise two young girls on his own.
Who raised you? My father raised my sister and myself. We spent most summers traveling between grandparent’s, cousin’s and aunt and uncle’s homes.
How was her absence handled in your household? My mother died in 1979. It wasn’t discussed much. There were no child therapy sessions to deal with it. Since my father took her death so hard, most of the family seemed to focus on him. My sister and I were the afterthought. My grandmother got rid of most of my mother’s possessions only days after the funeral. She did not want us to be around reminders of the woman who was no longer there. That was very painful for me. I felt like my mom was ripped out from under me twice in one week.
How did this impact you? I was in a tough spot. My sister was only five and needed support. My dad went into what I now know is a depression. I had to take on a lot more responsibility than any third grader should. My father worked. He supported us. But I had to take on a lot of the household tasks. I also remember having to think of Christmas presents for our extended family. Christmas sort of stressed me out because of the added responsibilities. I also knew my dad would forget to shop for my sister and I until Christmas Eve.
What did growing up without a mother feel like as a child/teen? As a child, I hated standing out. Everyone in our suburb knew my mother died of cancer at a young age. Every time we walked into a grocery store, I could see the faces of pity when they looked at my dad, sister and me. I hated standing out. I just wanted to be like everyone else. The special treatment bothered me most as a child. As a teen, I really struggled internally. When my grandmother told me that my mother died, I didn’t cry. I didn’t end up crying about her death until the summer I got my period. I knew what a period was, but I had a hard time talking to my dad about it. It was so stressful. I hated asking him for feminine hygiene products as much as he hated buying them. One night I had a break down that I didn’t have a mom to help me through dealing with my first few cycles. I sobbed for most of the evening by myself. I am sure at that point, it was five bottled up years of grief that spilled out that night.
How do you feel her absence has influenced you as an adult? I never know if I am doing female things correctly. Did I arrange the flowers from the vase correctly? Does this sauce need more salt? Did I fold the sheets correctly? Am I meeting the emotional needs of my family? Is this shade of lipstick work with this blouse? Did I wrap that present correctly? I also have this notion that when I meet people for the first time that they can tell right away that I grew up without a mom. As if there is a neon sign over me that says, “motherless daughter/feral child.” But I also think having to rely on myself at such a young age forced me to develop survival and coping skills, which has helped me deal with my son’s autism. I also think her death put into perspective which things in life are a big deal and which aren’t.
In what ways has her absence influenced your ideas about motherhood? It made me want to have my own family so I could make things right. She was an amazing mother and I couldn’t wait to be just like her. Unfortunately, I am not the seamstress and crafter that she was. I didn’t inherit that gene from her. In other respects, I think we are probably similar; light- hearted, funny, and warm.
What do you feel is misunderstood about motherless children? As I said before, I hated the special treatment and attention I received after her death. I just wanted to go play handball without being whispered about. I wanted a return to normalcy as quickly as possible.
How do you feel about your mother today? My heart breaks for my mother. She must have been so scared to find a lump in her breast when she had a preschooler and a second grader. It must have been awful to be going through chemo while we were trick-or-treating. I can’t imagine how it felt to go from one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen to a skinny bald woman in a matter of months. I feel love for her. I sometimes think I would give all the money I have just to hear her voice one more time. My father is still very angry at her for dying. This makes me incredibly sad.
How do you handle Mothers Day? Mother’s Day doesn’t bother me. I had four grandmothers growing up so I always associated Mother’s Day with them. However, my mother died on Valentine’s Day. I am scarred for life when it comes to that day. While everyone is celebrating their amazing romantic love, all I can think about is dropping all my Valentine’s cards when I rounded the corner and saw all the cars in front of my house. I knew my mom died by all of the cars on the street. My husband knows not to celebrate Valentine’s Day with me. We skip that day.
How have you healed? I hope I have healed but as you can see from answers, there are deep wounds left. My mother was so loving and amazing that I just think of her fondly. She never ever let me down. I think about how she was so much better than any other mother I ever met that eight years with her was most likely the same as eighteen with other mothers.
Any additional thoughts? Her funeral haunts me to this day. Some people just fell apart at the graveside service. I can still hear their wails. The adults were falling apart in front of my eyes and it impacted me deep inside.
How old were you when your mother passed/left? I was ten.
Can you briefly share the circumstances surrounding your situation? She was 30 and overwhelmed by three kids and suffered from some psychological issues.I think it was manic depression but I am not sure as it never formally diagnosed.
Did her leaving/passing have an immediate impact? Yes, it was horrible. She took my brother (6) and left me and my sister (2) with our stepfather who then molested me later that week.
Who raised you? My stepfather, my neighbors down the street, and eventually my dad when I was a teenager. I left home when I was 17 and never really looked back.
How was her absence handled in your household? She was vilified and everyone spoke poorly about her. She made herself an easy target for blame.
How did this impact you? Everything suffered. my confidence, self-esteem, friendships, grades…all of it.
What did growing up without a mother feel like as a child/teen? It was the ultimate feeling of abandonment. I was rudderless.
How do you feel her absence has influenced you as an adult? It has made me a strong person. It takes a lot to get me down.I have been diagnosed with PTSD (due to cancer, helicopter crash, sexual abuse, 9/11 etc.) I take medication and it has helped me to become a high-functioning adult.
In what ways has her absence influenced your ideas about motherhood? I think it has made me very sensitive to being physically present for my daughter. That said, she has it so much better than I did so i find myself avoiding the common wringing of hands that so many of my mom friends do. I know what a true crisis is and not having organic sunscreen to slather on your kid, is not a problem. I am very liberal about certain things but am a stickler for manners and respect towards adults. My daughter would say I am the strictest, but also the goofiest of her four parents.
What do you feel is misunderstood about motherless children? The assumption that we know the things that mother’s are supposed to teach us and norms and values and etiquette and how to use a feminine product–things like this were gaping holes in my understanding of how I was supposed to handle things.
How do you feel about your mother today? Now that I am older i understand why she cracked.She was sexually abused by her brother growing up and had no support around it. A mistake I made for many years was assuming that we were very similar. and although i have her hands and her sense of humor, she is much more shy, insecure, and meek than I am. seeing this allowed me to have compassion and understanding for her choices.
How do you handle Mothers Day? I go to mexico where mother’s day falls on my birthday, may 10th, every year.
How have you healed? Therapy, making mistakes, and more therapy. I worked to build my self-efficacy by starting my own business Eight and a half years ago. Forgiving my mom helped me let go.That was the best gift that I could give my daughter: the ability to tell her own story and to have her not inherit this legacy of pain. So far, so good.
How old were you when your mother passed/left? My mother was an alcoholic, she never passed away or left me but being that she was never sober and sent me to live with my grandparents one of those two things might as well have happened. I was 5 years old when she sent me to live with my grandparents due to her drug and alcohol abuse.
Did her leaving/passing have an immediate impact? Not having a sober mother definitely impacted me and my life. When I was 13 years old she sat me down and explained to me that I was an adult and that she was going to live the rest of her life for her. I had to grow up and go through things at a very young age.
Who raised you? My amazing grandparents
How was her absence handled in your household? We didn’t speak about it
How did this impact you? It made me feel good, not to have to think about her every day. It was nice forgetting that I had a mother that would rather drink than be with me.
What did growing up without a mother feel like as a child/teen? The hardest thing was to see the relationship my friends had/have with their mothers. Too see how they spent time shopping and cooking together. Even though I had a grandma who did all of those things with, it still was never the same. I craved a relationship like my friends had with their moms, yet any time I was around my mother there was a lot of anger and that relationship just couldn’t be.
How do you feel her absence has influenced you as an adult? I learned to not trust people or their “word”. I grew up knowing what abandonment/rejection by choice felt like. I guess the biggest way it has influenced me is that I don’t have a lot of faith in people.
In what ways has her absence influenced your ideas about motherhood? It worries me, a lot. I don’t ever want to be a screw up and ruin a child’s life.
What do you feel is misunderstood about motherless children? No answer.
How do you feel about your mother today? Indifferent
How do you handle Mothers Day? I dismiss it
How have you healed? By letting go of hope.
How old were you when your mother passed/left? I was 13
Can you briefly share the circumstances surrounding your situation? My mother had ulcers and was addicted to painkillers and because she was afraid of the doctors she never went to them. I remember the night before she died she was very weak but still took my younger brother and I for ice cream. That morning we woke up and my dad had called the ambulance and I had no idea what was happening until I saw the paramedics take my mom on the stretcher . We followed the ambulance in our car and got to the hospital. We found out that she had a bleeding ulcer and she was in a coma, but she didn’t make it.
Did her leaving/passing have an immediate impact? I don’t think it sunk it right away. I just felt like I was in a bad dream waiting to wake up. I went through a depression in high school and suffered with anxiety and panic attacks.
Who raised you? My Father
How was her absence handled in your household? My father did the best he could. He was the breadwinner in our family and my mom was the stay at home mother. I remember we did suffer with money and were very close to selling our house and keeping food on our table.
How did this impact you? I think that this made me a stronger women.
What did growing up without a mother feel like as a child/teen? Very lonely, I only had my dad and 3 brothers. No women influences.
How do you feel her absence has influenced you as an adult? It has made me believe in God more and made me more spiritual. I believe she is always with me and that I have an angel watching over me.
In what ways has her absence influenced your ideas about motherhood? I think it was the hardest time when I was pregnant with my daughter and even after I had her. I wanted her more than ever to help me and be there for me emotionally and mentally.
What do you feel is misunderstood about motherless children? I don’t really know, I never thought about that.
How do you feel about your mother today? I love her so much and she made me the women I am today. She gave me so much love during the short time that she was here and I will always cherish that!
How do you handle Mothers Day? By crying. Aside from that, I am a mother and my daughter makes it special for me that day.
How have you healed? By the grace of God, Time really does heal all, and definitely having family and friends that support you.
How old were you when your mother passed/left? I was told six months by some and a year by others.
Can you briefly share the circumstances surrounding your situation? My father was a mess. A bipolar alcoholic ex- convict prone to violence and she was a 19-year-old with a number of issues, some documented, some not. From what I have been told, she married him after running away. I don’t know much about either of them, but I do know that both had problems and personalities I cannot understand or relate to. When she left him to move on with her life, she left me with him. At 11, she found me and the courts gave her temporary custody because I had welts all over my body. A month later, she abandoned me again, this time with a story about me so vulgar and vile it’s not worth repeating. I’d rather have been left where my hair was pulled and my fingers bitten, to be honest.
Did her leaving/passing have an immediate impact? I grew up in a volatile and chaotic environment that was about survival. My first memory is of screaming and running through a dark neighborhood on a rainy night, banging on neighbors doors because I was scared and didn’t know where to go. I never knew what it was like to have a mother’s love so this was a pain that simmered and seemed to grow saltier as time passed. I felt lonely and unworthy and like garbage that could be left behind, to put it bluntly. There’s a very specific pain that comes with being rejected by the person (or in my case, the people) who created you. I took my sense of worthlessness out on myself for a long time. I was never smart enough, successful enough, pretty enough. I accepted terrible behavior from people just to have someone. It took a lot of work to accept that my being abandoned didn’t mean I was not worth keeping, and it really was their loss. I say that not in a nasty way. It really was. I would have been a great daughter.
Who raised you? My amazing grandfather, and my great aunts, Sybil and Vyvian, in the ways they could when he passed. Other than that, I have been blessed with incredible, smart, wise, loving and supportive friends and mentors who have helped me to learn to navigate better while showing me a love and support that has transformed my life.
How was her absence handled in your household? My father always had different wives and women around, but I was mostly treated as though I was in the way. There was one woman who I felt that motherly love from, Karen, but my father beat her so bad one night that she snuck away and I never saw her again. My father, never mentioned my biological mother than to tell me what a bad person she was and to remind me that she had left me so I could be placed for adoption at any time. He would tell me that he was not my father or that I should have been a boy which would let me know he didn’t care about me, either. My grandpa and aunts simply told me that I was better off. That said, I ached for her growing up. I would sneak into my father’s closet to look at my baby book which had her photo. I would run to the mirror and try and pose like her to look like her. When he would beat me and tell me he would send me to her, I would say “no, no” but run in my room and pray she would come and get me.
What did growing up without a mother feel like as a child/teen? Not having parents was hard, and losing my grandfather was the greatest pain of my life, but I literally begged God to know what it felt like to have a mother’s love. That longing was sharp and ever-present.
How do you feel her absence has influenced you as an adult? I have a drive and ambition to prove that I belong on this earth, too, and work very hard to make my mark in a healthy way and leave a legacy of love. That said, I have fears and insecurities that perhaps only those who have experienced can understand (hence, my decision to post this in the hopes it might help someone feel less isolated).
In what ways has her absence influenced your ideas about motherhood? I cannot wait to be a mother to give my child all of the love I have to give and the childhood I never had. I know I will be a loving, kind, fair, active mother to my child, biological or adopted, and I will love them with every ounce of my being. I simply cannot wait to have a family of my own.
What do you feel is misunderstood about motherless children? That the same rules apply emotionally. They don’t.
How do you feel about your mother today? Apathy most of the time. Rage, on occasion, when I think of certain things that were said and done to me. But I only knew her briefly in my life, so in reality, my “feelings” are about an idea and my reality as compared to it.
How do you handle Mothers Day? I used to sob and mope, but that was before acceptance. Now, I honor the amazing women I have in my life who are mothers, the amazing women who have shown me love, and I remind those with mothers to cherish them.
How have you healed? I don’t know that I have healed, I think I have just accepted that this is how it will be and chosen to live my life to the best of my ability. I have an incredible, loving, supportive and wonderful family of friends who have definitely helped me grow. I also have photos of my Grandmother (who died when I was 10 months old) and my grandfather everywhere to remind me that “mother” “father” and “parent” are titles that are earned, not given.
I think Madonna does a fine job of summing up how many of us feel in this video (2 minute mark).
There are those who are kind as payment.
Those who are kind under duress brought on by fear.
Then, there are those few from which kindness flows directly from character.
The first group common, the second in a prison, and the third, a treasured bunch.
Often spoken about with an elusive air, the latter often pay quite a price for the priceless gift they bestow so naturally.
Sadly, the world is full of those who hurt and hustle or have been hurt and hustled. We often question the very actions we lay in bed praying to experience. We pour so much salt on the promise of something that it disinigrates before it can grow into anything substantial and then we use it as proof that what we hope for, what many of us feel we deserve, doesn’t exist at all.
Why is it that we agree to once again trust the untrustworthy but continuously hound the honorable? We chase the cruel and run away from the considerate? We underline a rageful love instead of highlighting the peaceful prose?
Why do we say one is “too nice” for us? Do we realize that, in our very statement, we are suggesting that someone is not “mean enough” for us to love them?
Ah, but we want passion.
Or do we?
To ask the universe for this is a dangerous request for the word itself stems from the Latin verb patī which means “to suffer”. When we say we want a “passionate” love, are we aware that we are requesting pain?
Think about it: If the definition of love is “a deep feeling of intense affection,” does a “passionate love” even exist? Pain and affection oppose one another. So is the need to feel we can’t have someone fully in order to feel anything at all really about “love”? Is the feeling we “cannot live without them” simply just co-dependency? Is the powerful aphrodisiac of rejection really just an intense fear of abandonment spun out-of-control? If we are chasing someone who has walked away from all that we have to offer, is that really a “love” worth fighting for or simply our flailing ego asking for an invisible hand to save it from drowning?
So, the question is: Do you want pain or affection in your life?
Do you want Passion or Love?
It’s the peace that lives in the morning rays coming in through your window.
It’s the silent “I still care” that is said in a squeeze.
It’s the soup when you’re feeling sick.
It’s the letter you are afraid to send.
It’s doing the right thing even when they’ve done you wrong.
It’s the relief that is given by way of a smile on a familiar face after a long flight.
It’s the efforts born out of hope.
It’s holding out an arm for someone holding on.
It’s letting go and letting someone let go.
It’s the forgiveness of “over it” that leads to a better overall.
It’s wanting the best for them regardless of whether you still want them (or they still want you).
It’s a phone call because text is not enough.
It’s the understanding that replaces judgement.
It’s the song that plays repeatedly in your heart.
It’s the concern that replaces anger.
It’s the care that cleans up the chaos.
Change does not come by way of a magical passageway between what was and might have been and what is and might be. It is a manifestation of deliberate, often difficult, steps in a new direction.
There are beautiful moments that aborted at the hands of a memory of something that we only wish existed.
From the outside, it all looks so different.
Entrances are usually full of fanfare, but the real story unfolds when you watch the way someone makes an exit.
Clinging may bring someone temporarily closer, but they’ll get the hell out of there as soon as they can loosen your grip.
If someone were to offer us a home that has not been built, we would be skeptical, and rightfully so. So, why is when someone offers us a “relationship” under the same circumstances, so many of us sign the dotted line?
It’s a hard thing to love hard every day, most especially when they don’t love you at all.
Independence and self-sufficiency make for some serious confidence boosting.
When negativity leaves the area, no one misses it.
Tears may contain fiction, but silence is a fact.
There were some who initially made her heart beat faster.
But was that love or anxiety?
She wasn’t so sure anymore.
There were some who had promised her the sun, moon and stars,
But as romantic as that seemed,
Those gifts lacked consistency.
There were some who had listened to her,
but only for clues.
There were some she had smiled at,
but rarely laughed with.
Less like an explosion and more like a vibration,
she couldn’t explain the growing intoxication,
It seemed to slowly sneak up on her.
Just like his gaze.
Just like the wine.
I pointed to a coward and called him a champion.
I claimed eyes were windows into a soul that never really existed.
I extended credit to a man who left me in the depths of despair.
I willingly divorced my instincts and ran with lies that were handed to me without remorse.
I turned a blind eye to slashes caused by the razor sharp tongue that was hidden behind the lips that once touched my own.
I uttered my darkest secrets into a microphone.
I sold it all:
all to invest in the oceanfront property and snake oil that was offered by a traveling salesman.
I screamed a violent “no” into the face of a sobbing truth.
I turned my cheek and asked for another slap in the face.
I saw the attack coming,
and stood by in silence,
as I watched my heart bleed,
I did nothing to stop it.
I allowed him to injure my confidence
while I suffocated beautiful moments,
and murdered hundreds of days that will never see light again.
and away from Justice.
I am guilty.
But I will do no more time.
This is about as shocking as a sunny day in SoCal, but a new study titled, “My Eyes Are Up Here” has confirmed that men like looking at breasts.
I know, I know, but there’s a little more to it.
Led by social psychologist, Sara Gervais of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, the study outfitted 29 men and 36 men with a high-tech eye-tracking system that measured how long their gaze lingered on specific areas of a body. The participants were shown photographs of 10 women who had each been photoshopped to showcase three different body shapes: Less curvaceous, hourglass and more curvaceous. Both men and women spent more time looking at the the breasts, waists and hips of these women than they did their faces. No big shock there, curves are beautiful.
What’s surprising is that both deemed women with hourglass figures as having better personalities than those who did not. Perhaps it’s because this body type’s hip-to-waist ratio is closest to that considered the most fertile and we subconsciously associate that with “nurturing” instincts? I’d love to know more about their thoughts on why this might be and see them do the same study with images of men.
While I am not a fan of someone staring at my body outside of the confines in which I have explicitly invited that kind of attention, I do think it is natural to look around and see who is sharing your space, regardless of gender. I think there is a difference between a glance and objectification and I seriously doubt that anyone’s biology makes them “stare” so don’t be printing this out and handing it over as an excuse ;)
What do you think about the study? Are you surprised the findings were the same in both sexes?
Want to slim down? Try eating off of a blue plate. The color is said to lessen appetites making the act of eating “unappealing.”
Looking to land an interview? Wear blue. The color is associated with dependability, loyalty (true blue) and commitment (hence, the use of “something blue” in wedding ceremonies).
A beautiful result of a genetic mutation, only 8 percent of the world’s population has blue eyes.
In China, the color was often associated with pain but in the United States, children are most comfortable with caretakers wearing blue.
Painting an office or room blue is said to increase the productivity of those working in the environment. This also works at the gym as lifters tend to lift heavier weights when surrounded by the color.
Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.
Avoid blue in the summer unless you have “bug off” on. Mosquitos are twice as attracted to the color than any other.
Each year Blue Ribbons are tied to trees and posts to increase the awareness of Child Abuse.
Like the color blue? You’re not alone. In fact, 40% of the world’s population polled claim the color as their favorite.
Often misreported as violet, screen legend, Elizabeth Taylor’s eyes were actually a deep blue.
It’s about fresh starts and second chances.
It’s not about changing a life, but tweaking it.
It’s about the courage to do what is best for you even in the face of criticism and heartache.
It’s about balancing hope with reality and reality with hope.
It’s about choosing where to focus your energy*.
It’s about the decision to protect your peace of mind at all costs.
It’s accepting you’re better than perfect, your flaws make you perfectly you.
It’s about kindness and grace while drawing clear boundaries.
It’s about refusing to fight losing battles.
It’s about time: how you spend it, cherish it, and waste it.
It’s about using the right words when speaking to others, yourself, and the universe.
It’s about showing respect.
It’s about a strong moral fiber.
It’s about integrity and honor.
It’s about taking care of yourself on all levels and working to understanding all of your layers.
It’s about appreciation and gratitude for those around you, what you have, what you had, and life itself.
It’s about knowing when to circle back and when to let go and move on.
It’s about accepting people for who they are and not who you thought they were or hope they will become.
It’s about making what you desire enough of a priority to sacrifice and work for it.
It’s about your best life.
If I were to sit across from you,
If I were to see your face,
If I were to look into your eyes,
I would forgive.
I would forget.
Is the path you are on leading you into a better direction?
Where will you go from here?
Is the person you ache to see beside you pulling you forward, down or back?
Are they worth the wait?
Are the goals you are setting worthy of your efforts?
What will they help you achieve long term?
Is the love you feel in your heart properly communicated to those around you?
A love left unspoken is a bud that never blooms.
If not a journey,
If not an opportunity,
If not an ever-present second chance…
Then what is life?
What you make of it, they say.
Take a look at your ingredients.
Leave it to LC to make getting dirty look glamorous. Check out her Frank discussion on the topic on Divalicious.
I picked up a jar of this inexpensive oil at Trader Joe’s thinking it might be a good hot oil treatment. (I thought right!)
Little did I know it would also serve as a brilliant shaving cream and a wonderfully hydrating moisturizer!
I actually mix my own coffee grounds with it and use it as an exfoliant. Alas, I but don’t look as good doing it as my dear friend up top does. Sigh.
Whether you’re looking to relax tired muscles, add a little magnesium into your diet (many of us are deficient) or needing to lose water weight by tomorrow, Epsom Salt is an inexpensive, effective and totally luxurious way to get things done (glamorously). I like to light candles, turn on the Gladiator Pandora station (don’t judge) and mix my salts with a half cup of olive oil and bubbles. Glass of wine optional.
What are some of your favorite natural treatments?
Researchers at Arizona State University discovered the ability to see red is located in the X chromosome. Since men only have one and women have two, women are able to see various shades of the color (such as crimson and maroon) whereas most men are only able to see bright fire-engine red.
The color is said to have the strongest impact on our emotions, making the heart beat faster and intensifying breathing patterns.
It’s a common misconception that red makes bulls angry. The animals are, in fact, color blind.
Studies have shown that sports teams wearing red have an advantage over teams wearing other colors and are more likely to win the game and for good reason; the color is universally associated with male dominance and testosterone among all primates.
Less than 2 percent of Americans have naturally red hair.
In Russia, red is associated with beauty whereas in South Africa, it is the color used in mourning. Chinese brides wear the shade on their wedding day to bring them luck.
In Greece, easter eggs are colored red for good luck.
Ruby is derived from the latin word, “rubens” which means red.
The color is associated with power but can turn off potential employers.
A study by British researchers found that men are more likely to form a relationship with a woman who wears red on their first date. Interestingly, the color makes the wearer look heavier…what does that say, ladies?
What’s your favorite color?
She missed him.
In a way that was ferocious, overwhelming, obsessive and slightly insane. There was not a single reason and a million to love him and certainly no reason to mourn his absence, and yet she was acutely aware of the silence as the sun rose and set four times in a day.
He was a culmination of everything she loved, hated, wanted and wanted to avoid. He was a no one who became someone who became everyone and everything–the life and the death in her days–an ever-present dull ache that no drug, drink or prayer could diminish.
The hurt he caused her ignited outbursts of texts and tears that left her soaked with exhaustion.
And so, in part to spite him, she became fiercely independent, storming through one experience to the next. She succeeded in everything except letting him go and now she was determined to beat her heart until (all of) it stopped. She took her place in line behind the prayers and finally had her moment. In a calculated move, she bartered with the universe, offering up her heart and hope as a sacrifice in exchange for the world at large.
She could not have him, but when she was done living her life, he would be all he had left.