LOVE Sketch

Should You Focus In, Fight or Fly Solo?

Screen Shot 2013-07-19 at 3.02.59 PM

Sure, having a relationship has its perks…

But so does flying solo.

Whether you’re considering clearing your dance card, wondering if your current relationship is worth the fight or simply thinking about leaving, here are questions to ask yourself:

How well do you feel you know him? What do you know about his childhood, family, background, jobs, dreams and goals?

If you were to forego the feelings and analysis and  write down only the facts on paper, what message would you get about him and the relationship?

Do you feel like his “everything”, an obligation or option?

Does he take responsibility for himself or blame others for things that go wrong in his life?

If there is a communication breakdown, does he try and resolve things, go silent or try to “win” the argument?

Is he able to speak with you about difficult issues in an open and respectful way?

If you called him crying, how would he respond?

As a whole, can you count on him?

Does he make future plans with you?

How often do you see and hear from him and in what context?

Do you feel secure, not just in the relationship now, but where it’s going?

Do you feel like you can reach him most of the time or are you always waiting for a response?

Have you been invited into his life and introduced to the people who matter most to him?

Does he show an interest in your life, knowing your friends and meeting those who mean the most to you?

What does your gut say about the relationship?

Would he fight for you?

When he is out does he go MIA or does he make an effort to let you know you’re on his mind, even with just a few random texts?

Do you feel as though you can share your feelings and concerns openly and does he care about them?

Do you feel there is an equal amount of initiation, affection, give and take?

Does he appreciate the person you are?

Do you see more effort or hear more excuses?

Does he make you feel safe, loved and respected consistently?

Does he remember things that are important to you?

Are you happy at least 80% of the time?

Do you feel loved/respected all of the time?

Do you feel supported?

Would you want your best friend/sister to date a guy just like him as he is right now?

 

mm

Every Woman Must Watch This

My friend, Victoria Loustalot, sent this over to me and I started bawling at my desk (she and everyone who has seen it after has confessed the same).   I want to thank Dove for this incredible and profound message.

Picks Of The Day: Beauty In Motion

Your beauty is not found in the constraints of stilettos or the construction of a dress, but in your freedom to speak your mind, follow your heart, ignite your internal fire and move comfortably in your own skin.

(All photos courtesy of Pinterest)

It’s True

If you only knew the way my spirit jumped at the sight of you.  The way it made my limbs shake ever-so-slightly causing others to mistake a chemical reaction to a bad case of nerves. If there were a chance you could understand the reassurance your smile brings to me (and how beautiful you look when it flashes across your face) . If only I could tell you how I feel in a way that wouldn’t be devalued by words perhaps then you might enjoy a taste of the joy your presence brings to me.

Someone aches to say these words to you.

Open your eyes.

I0 Things To Never Do

Waste Your Time With Jealousy: It’s a useless emotion that disintegrates everything it touches.  Know that there is enough to go around and one having does not mean the other will have not. If you’re with someone who is trustworthy, trust them.  If you’re not, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.

Stay In and Cry Over Someone Who Isn’t Crying Over You: We only have so many days and nights in our lives and while you might not want to go out or spend time with friends, it’s the best way to move on and create some fun new memories (and possibly meet someone who won’t bring tears to your eyes).

Forget That We’re All Human Beings: We’re all flawed and have a wide range of talents, insecurities, worries, desires, fears, needs and wants.  Some of us just hide our vulnerabilities better than others. When engaging others, try and remember that we’re all spirits in shells trying to do the best we can while here on earth.  Be gentle.

Toy With Other People’s Emotions:  You’re either in or out, and if you can’t decide, it’s best to stay out.

Allow Fear To Hold You Back:  Think of fear as a bully.  If you stay silent and allow it to torment you, you’ll be pegged a victim and be pushed around on a daily basis.  Stand up to it and punch it square in the face and there’s a good chance you’ll recognize your own strength and send a message to the universe that you’re a fighter who will not allow challenges to keep you from living your best life and being your best self.

Get Stuck in a Moment:  You’re going to make mistakes and take wrong turns, and that’s  a good thing.  How else will you ever grow and learn?  Take inventory, make amends, commit to do the better next time and keep moving forward (and up).

Assume You (Or They) Can Read Minds: The only way to avoid miscommunication is to sit with someone and have an honest and open dialogue. It may get messy but there is a good chance it will bring clarity in a way emails, silence or text messages never can.

Put Yourself Down: If you cannot support and respect yourself how in the world can you expect anyone else to?

Take Love/Friendship For Granted:  As we grow older, their value becomes clearer.  In this life, the bonds with one another are all we have.  They are what make life beautiful, meaningful and real.  When appreciated, these bonds will not only infuse your own life with joy but help the lives of others blossom.  Your legacy lies in how you treat those around you.

Give Up On Yourself: Even if you have hit rock bottom, you can always start climbing back up. Your success is up to you.

It’s True

All things that are worth having are either difficult to obtain or difficult to keep.

The way someone treats you when upset with you is a good indication of how they truly feel about you.

Acceptance doesn’t mean bowing down.  It means that you have become fully aware of your surroundings and can now navigate through the tough parts and move into something better.

There is no one more powerful than you are.  The power held over you is the power you handed over.

Friendship makes the world worth living in.

Most of us confuse pleasure with happiness and wind up chasing empty moments.

The small things we discount are the things we miss most when we lose someone.

The Universe wants you to succeed.

A loud voice cannot transform an opinion into fact.

What you want most is there for you to rescue it.

Your soul is here for a reason.

How Do You Treat Yourself?

A few days ago, while sitting across from my consigliere, I shared my thoughts about someone who I felt was quite brutal in the way they related to those around them.  Critical, unyielding, demanding, unforgiving and flat-out unkind at times, this person made the smallest exchange a task.  “I just can’t seem to get through to them,” I said, in a frustrated tone.

My conversation companion looked at me and smiled gently, “I know how you feel,” he said.

Expecting him to share a story about his own interpersonal relationships, I waited with bated breath for an explanation that would help me “fix” future exchanges with this person.   But I was in for a surprise. The words that came out of his mouth weren’t related to him or anyone in his circle.

“I feel that way when I speak to you?” he said.

Huh?  

I was confused.  Was I brutal and mean and unkind and didn’t know it?  “No, no, not to those around you.  In fact, you’re too polite.  I am talking about the brutal way you treat yourself.  You’re so hard on yourself and it’s frustrating to people like me who see all of the wonderful attributes you have,” he said.

I started to think of the ways I pushed myself in my career, at the gym, in my personal life.  I thought about the expectations I had and the terrible way I never seemed to forgive myself when I made a mistake or took a misstep.

Now, I am sure that I am not the only one who can give myself a little lip so I decided to share this humbling exchange in an attempt to open your eyes to the ways you talk to and treat yourself.

A Few Things To Consider:

-Do you trust your intuition?

-Do you allow yourself to make mistakes?

-Do you give yourself room to explore?

-Do you fill your life with good people you can trust?

-Do you take care of your health?

-Do you show yourself love?

How will you be better to you?

Who You Are Is O.K.

We try to be what they want us to be, what they told us to be, what they said we should have been.

We try to look as they say we should look, act how they say we should act all the while feeling the way we feel and wondering why we don’t feel differently.

We try to want what they say we should want, even if it is more or less or simply different than what we’re truly aching to have.

What about who we really are, what we really think, what we really want and feel?

When do we get to be both authentic and accepted at the same time?

You can be here and I hope you find other places you feel respected, accepted and appreciated as well.

What are the things from which you derive your confidence?

Are you focused on what you look like?

Does every wrinkle or pound cause you to feel anxious and worried?

Are you only as good as your job?

Do the clothes or jewelry you are wearing or the bags you are carrying prove your worth?

Are you collecting Facebook or MySpace “friends” to show how “loved” you are?

Do you feel that your life has less significance without a ring on your finger or a deed in your name?

What might happen if you lost your job, your labels or actually needed to call on one of your “friends” for significant help?

How do you think your worth would withstand the hit?

Remember…

You are not your thoughts.

You are not your words.

You are not your actions.

You are something much bigger so if the thoughts, words, actions are not sending an accurate message out to the world on your behalf or if they are bringing you relationships and circumstances that make you uncomfortable, you can change them without any fear of eliminating the essence of you.

Think About It

What about you is inspiring to others?

What about you is special?

What about you is admirable?

What about you is beautiful?

What goals have you achieved?

What lessons have you learned?

What wisdom do you have to share?

What fire lives inside of you?

What is your personal power?

What makes you shine in the way that you do?

“None and Nothing” are not acceptable answers!