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She Who Is Sufficient


There was a sweeping volatility,

A loud burst of emotion,

A weeping flood,

and then,


In the stillness, she stood,

listening only to her breath.

The beat of her heart slowing down,

As the smoke replaced a glistening fire.

She had been here before,

And not so long ago,

But this time, it was different.

For she knew her way around.

No intimidation from uncertainty,

Or the slightest bit of fear,

She would navigate with logic,

and find her way out.

And her awareness of her ability to do so is what made all of the difference.

(Photo Courtesy of Pinterest)


Do You Flash Your Class Or Act Like An…

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Let them use those vulgar words,

You know how to express yourself intelligently.

Let them behave disrespectfully,

You know you don’t have to stand there and put up with it.

Let them play childish games,

You’ll hold the monopoly on maturity.

Let them leave nothing to the imagination,

You know how attractive mystery can be.

Let them throw tantrums like a two -year- old,

You care too much about your mental state (and reputation!) to respond in kind.

Brenda Della Casa, Happiness, Happiness Blogs, Lifestyle sites, Lifestyle Blogs, Authors, Writers, Poetry, Editorial, Beauty, Women’s Fashion, manners, etiquette

Let them make a scene,

You like your drama contained in the theatre.

Let them get sloshy drunk,

You sip your cocktails, and when the clock strikes tipsy, you bid goodnight and retire safely in your bed.

Let them hop into a strangers bed for the price of a meal and a few cocktails,

You’d like to get to know the person behind the Black Card.

Let them attempt to treat you like you’re an option,

You’ll always be your priority and will move on to someone who shares that viewpoint.

Let them have no manners,

You won’t accommodate them.

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“There’s a big difference between a woman and a lady.”

-My Grandpa.

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The Right To Fight For Peace of Mind (and Heart)

Brenda Della Casa

The world is yours.

Not to own or to control,

But to discover.

You have gone from girl to woman,

From boy to man, 

From who you were,

To who you are now.

This life, your life, belongs to you.

You choose whether to cower or to stand tall and stare down fear.

You decide whether or not to toast, to learn, to challenge, to move on.

You choose to smile with those who lift you up or cry with those who pull you down.

Let those who seek discomfort find it without you.

Allow those with inner battles fight without you.

Offer a helping hand, not your right arm.

Allow your good character to shield you from venom.

Count on your self-respect and awareness to protect you from manipulation.

Send love to those who toss salt upon you, but do walk away.

It is not your job to save them, nor your responsibility to protect them from themselves.

You are not here to suffer for the sins and shortcomings of others.

You are here to love and be loved.

You are here to respect and be respected.

You are here to build your best life possible without someone tearing you down.

Fight only for those who fight beside you.

And for your right to live.



Girl meetsBoy

Easy Ways To Know If He’s Worthy Of You

Brenda Della Casa Walking Barefoot

Darling Girl,

You never have to ask your friends what he’s thinking, because a man who wants to be with you will let you know.

He’ll want to reach out.

He’ll want to see you.

He’ll want to take you around town on his arm.

Brenda Della Casa Walking Barefoot Frank Sinatra Ava Gardner

A man who wants to be with you (and deserves to be) will reserve your Saturday night’s before someone else does.

He will treat you with respect while you’re there…

(and even when you’re not).

He’ll look at you and smile because he enjoys your company…

He is happy that you’re with him,

And maybe even a little proud.

Brenda Della Casa Walking Barefoot Clark Gable Carole Lombard

He will know that games are for little boys and a woman like you needs a man.

He won’t be vague about his feelings or sit on the fence.

You’ll know what he wants and where he stands (next to you).

Brenda Della Casa Walking Barefoot Steve McQueen Natalie Wood

He’ll listen to you,

remember the small details,

and make grand gestures.

He’ll want to wipe away tears, and not cause them.

Brenda Della Casa Walking Barefoot  Marilyn Monroe Arthur Miller

You will have disagreements,

Growing pains,

But he will want to work through misunderstandings,

and he will know how to forgive.

When it’s right, you won’t have knots,

you’ll have butterflies.

And he won’t make you wonder,

he’ll just make you feel wonderful.

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Things No Girl Should Ever Do

Think she needs to be less like herself and more like him.

Worry about his ex or his new girlfriend.

Avoid applying for her dream job because she thinks there’s no way she can get it.

Accept disrespect of any kind at any time.

Treat the things & people in her life disrespectfully.  Fix your heels, clean your space and appreciate your friends.

Choose staying in and crying over him over anything with her girlfriends.

Allow herself to be threatened into submission.

Be put in a position where she feels she needs to “compete” with other women for attention, affection or love.

Allow a number on a scale to weigh her worth.

Worry about finding a prince. You’re a queen. Rule your kingdom and find a King who rules his.

Waste her time trying to get someone to give her the time of day.

Go out without enough money to buy her own drinks, dinner and cover a cab ride home.

Think that she is more or less than anyone else.

Talk bad about other women, herself included.

Talk herself into an anxiety attack or out of a workout.

Allow herself to be pulled down to levels she’s already beaten and won.

Wait around for someone who doesn’t know what he wants



Don’t Let Anyone Reign On Your Parade

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Don’t try and make sense out of nonsense.

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Expect respect at all times.

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Remember that you deserve a king.

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And banish those who don’t treat you well from your kingdom.

“Though the sex to which I belong is considered weak,you will nevertheless find me a rock that bends to no wind.”

Queen Elizabeth I


(Photos Courtesy of Dolce & Gabbana 2013)

You, in Full Bloom

Say only what you mean to say instead of trying to get a reaction.

Embrace your vulnerabilities for they are what make you relatable and human.

Walk comfortably in your own skin, own your space.

Earn the right to evoke a quiet pride.

Walk away from those who do not show you respect.

Love with great enthusiasm but do not chase someone who only seeks to exhaust you.

Watch yourself blossom.

20 Things Every Girl Should Do For Herself Right Now

Give her home an upgrade to make it dreamy.  Forget the address and remember– it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

Stop chasing men. Stay still and see how much he reaches out.

Love herself enough to carry herself like the lovely, intelligent, feisty, fearless, open and stunning lady that she is.

Drink more water, eat less sugar and swallow more vitamins.

Get all of those holes and heels fixed.

Laugh in the face of judgement.

Cry the tears, once and for all.

Accept the date from the one who isn’t her “type”.

Understand that advice is like clothing: we are to take what fits and discard the rest. Give them the freedom to do the same.

Stop saying mean things about herself.

Cut out those who bring her more frustration than smiles.

Reach out to a few friends.

Remind herself of where she has been and feel the confidence increase as she realizes that she has survived.

Decide to be her very best and see what happens.

Forgive them, forget them, or both.  Just move on.

Clean up and have people over.

Think of 10 things she is grateful for.

Kiss him under the moonlight.

Stand up for herself.

Trust herself more.

I0 Things To Never Do

Waste Your Time With Jealousy: It’s a useless emotion that disintegrates everything it touches.  Know that there is enough to go around and one having does not mean the other will have not. If you’re with someone who is trustworthy, trust them.  If you’re not, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.

Stay In and Cry Over Someone Who Isn’t Crying Over You: We only have so many days and nights in our lives and while you might not want to go out or spend time with friends, it’s the best way to move on and create some fun new memories (and possibly meet someone who won’t bring tears to your eyes).

Forget That We’re All Human Beings: We’re all flawed and have a wide range of talents, insecurities, worries, desires, fears, needs and wants.  Some of us just hide our vulnerabilities better than others. When engaging others, try and remember that we’re all spirits in shells trying to do the best we can while here on earth.  Be gentle.

Toy With Other People’s Emotions:  You’re either in or out, and if you can’t decide, it’s best to stay out.

Allow Fear To Hold You Back:  Think of fear as a bully.  If you stay silent and allow it to torment you, you’ll be pegged a victim and be pushed around on a daily basis.  Stand up to it and punch it square in the face and there’s a good chance you’ll recognize your own strength and send a message to the universe that you’re a fighter who will not allow challenges to keep you from living your best life and being your best self.

Get Stuck in a Moment:  You’re going to make mistakes and take wrong turns, and that’s  a good thing.  How else will you ever grow and learn?  Take inventory, make amends, commit to do the better next time and keep moving forward (and up).

Assume You (Or They) Can Read Minds: The only way to avoid miscommunication is to sit with someone and have an honest and open dialogue. It may get messy but there is a good chance it will bring clarity in a way emails, silence or text messages never can.

Put Yourself Down: If you cannot support and respect yourself how in the world can you expect anyone else to?

Take Love/Friendship For Granted:  As we grow older, their value becomes clearer.  In this life, the bonds with one another are all we have.  They are what make life beautiful, meaningful and real.  When appreciated, these bonds will not only infuse your own life with joy but help the lives of others blossom.  Your legacy lies in how you treat those around you.

Give Up On Yourself: Even if you have hit rock bottom, you can always start climbing back up. Your success is up to you.

9 Resolutions That Will Better Your Life

Make 2012 better than any year before. You’re worth the effort.

Practice Kindness:  The idea that what we put out is reflected back to us is an old one, but that doesn’t make it less true.  This year, make a concerted effort to show compassion, respect and friendliness to those you come in contact with and you’ll likely find that your life will become softer as a result.  It’s as essential to be kind to yourself.  Instead of beating yourself up or telling yourself hurtful lies such as “I’ll never achieve this” or “I’ll always be alone,” focus on ways to accomplish your goals and give yourself room to be human.

Take It Step-By-Step: Instant gratification is something most people enjoy but the truth is that anything worth having is worth working for. Most importantly, time spent analyzing and working towards a goal helps us to better understand it and specify the way we want to experience it. It’s also essential to note that sometimes we will take a step back and that’s OK–see it as a challenge to your desire.  You either want it enough to keep moving forward or you don’t.

The key to your happiness is in your hands.

Respect Your Choices: Feeling like a victim offers a bit of comfortable discomfort; we hate feeling helpless but there’s also a tranquility to be found in blaming others.  When it’s not our fault, we can’t be held accountable and therefore cannot be judged.  The truth is that we choose the life we live on a daily basis.  Aside from extreme situations, we decide what we will meditate on, the actions we take, the abuse we will or will not put up with and so on.  We also decide as to whether or not we will seek professional help for compulsive behavior that is keeping us from achieving the goals we want to achieve and living our life as our best self.  When faced with a challenging situation, remind yourself, “I have a choice here” and think about the way you want to work through it.

Eat Well:  I like to joke that my healthy diet contains “equal amounts of both water and wine.”  Make sure to eat plenty of fruits, veggies and lean meats (if a meat eater) this year.  Drink plenty of water and indulge without gorging.  You’ll find that you’ll feel less sluggish, have better vital signs, and yes, your pants might even become a bit loose.

Resolve Not To Campaign For Relationships:  This is a biggie.  Those who want to walk beside you will make an effort to do so.  If you want to make amends with someone, that’s one thing, but it’s devaluing and unbecoming to chase someone who isn’t showing you the care or respect you deserve.  This goes for friends, lovers and even family members.  Know your worth and expect equality when it comes to appreciation, love, respect, effort and attention.

Use a Lamp, Eat Yogurt, Drink Chamomile: Studies found that people who used lamps instead of overhead lights were able to think more creatively and yogurt has been known to lessen anxious feelings.  Chamomile tea helps relax the body and ease you into a restful mood.

Focus On Your Reputation: There will be people who judge and misjudge you, regardless of what you say or do.  The rest of them will construct their ideas about you based on the way you live your life and present that life to the world.  When you keep secrets (your own and others), do your best work, honor your word, respect your commitments, treat people with respect and carry yourself with dignity, you’ll notice that you’re given more freedom, offered more opportunities, and given the benefit of the doubt much more often.

Know Yourself: Sit down and think about the person you would like to be.  What does that person do for a living?  How does he or she spend their time?  What are their relationships like?  What does their financial situation look like?  How do they dress and speak?  What do people say about them?  What kinds of achievements does he or she have?  Now, think about who you are right now in comparison.  If you are noticing there is a gap, think about the ways you can get from point A to point B. Be creative in your thinking, while you may not be able to make yourself a millionaire over night, you can identify ways to better organize your spending.

Get Organized: Think of how much time you’ll save by making a daily “to-do” list, putting like items in one place and placing yourself on a schedule so as not to waste time. It’s not always easy but it only takes 90 days to break a bad habit and 21 days to create a new one. What’s three months of making yourself pick up your sock and put it in the hamper?

Know Your Worth:  Treat yourself like you would your most valued possession.  Protect yourself, love yourself and know that you are a unique and valuable part of this world, a treasure.  It’s true.

Don’t Get Down, Get Glamorous (and Other Things Every Girl Should Remember)

If he’s into you, you’ll have no doubt.  If he’s just using you “as a mattress” (as my friend Jayson laid it out to me today) he’ll be “really into you” a day or two before he wants to get some.  It’s about consistency, bombshells.

Never campaign for someone’s attention.  It’s unbecoming.

A handsome face grows old, then what?

You can open your own doors, buy your own flowers, carry your own bags and take yourself out for a glass of wine after a bad day, but if he’s worthy of you he’ll want to it for you.

If He's Not Treating You With Respect, Blow Him a Kiss Goodbye.

There’s nothing wrong with a FWB situation as long as it’s friendly.

Someone is dying, dying, dying to woo you.

Everyone is charming and fun and lovely in the beginning. Five months later, you meet the real them.

If you’re not meeting his friends (and he doesn’t make an effort to meet yours) it’s not a good sign.

It’s far better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.

Putting your life or plans on hold to sit and wait should never be an option–oh, and speaking of options, you should never settle for being one, either.

Be open to life, to love, to good guys who don’t quite fit your “type”.

She who dies with the most self respect wins.